At home with …Gigi Guerra &

“It’s the opposite of what you might think: It was when I was in my early 20s, from my mom, and it was essentially – ‘don’t ever feel pressure to have children’. She was inferring: live your life on your own terms and do what you want when you’re ready. It was an unorthodox and empowering statement from someone who grew up in a generation where opting out of motherhood wasn’t really an option, and she wanted me to know she supported me no matter what choice I made. And the fact that I had her support – as opposed to pressure to have kids – empowered me to take the time I needed to build a career, travel and do ‘me’ things before I had children. Which ultimately allowed me to be a better mother when the time finally came.”

“We were trying for a year before I got pregnant – it was more a year of solid trying, prefaced by not not trying for a while prior. So when it finally happened, I was elated. And then I found out I was having twins. And then we found out it was boys! I had zero sex preference – I was just happy to be having babies. But also totally clueless and unprepared. I was so naïve. Which in retrospect is probably the best possible way to approach first-time motherhood. The less you know the better off you are.

Getting pregnant wasn’t easy so even the thought of having one child was more than I could’ve hoped for. My husband was incredibly diligent about going to every single one of the ultrasound appointments with me, and the only one he wasn’t able to be there for was the one where I found out it was twins. I remember calling him from the clinic and jokingly saying, ‘We’ll need two Baby Bjorns.'”

“My mom had zero issues getting pregnant so I was surprised when I couldn’t easily get pregnant. I didn’t have family to necessarily talk about it with (since my mom isn’t alive and I don’t have a sister) but I did talk to my aunt, who was really supportive. I just assumed it would be a breeze. But I discovered that I definitely wasn’t alone as I was going through the trying-to-get-pregnant process. More friends and acquaintances than I expected were going through the same thing – it was as easy as mentioning it casually in a conversation and friends were forthcoming about their own struggles. It really helped to be able to talk about it with other hopeful moms. It was like – the more open I was, the more open others were.”

“I wish there wasn’t such stigma around infertility. It’s so common. I eventually found out a cause of my infertility was uterine fibroids, which I had removed. But I continued to have difficulty getting pregnant so I ultimately did IVF – something else that I feel there’s an unfair level of stigma, yet also understandable secrecy around, but thankfully attitudes are starting to change. I looked at IVF as a medical procedure to help me become fertile, in the same way a knee replacement would help me regain mobility. It’s an incredible thing and I can’t recommend Dr. Jaime Knopman enough. If anyone reading this wants to talk about IVF, DM me on Instagram and I’m happy to connect with you. I had some incredible friends who had gone through the process offer me their support when I was in the thick of it and I believe in returning the favor.”

“I never learned the importance of saying no until I had kids. You just don’t have time to do it all, and you have to prioritize your time in different ways. The biggest thing is compartmentalizing things – evenings and weekends are for kids/family, and mornings and work days are for work. Of course that’s idealistic and exceptions are made but I try to stick to that. And I’ve also learned that nothing is perfect and I just try to get through the day the best I can – and be present and engaged. It’s easy to beat yourself up in the constant quest for equilibrium. I’ve learned balance is impossible in life, and even more so as a working mom. You’ll make yourself crazy if you try. So I just strive for attempted equilibrium!”

“It’s not easy – it’s essentially swapping time with your kids. But I’ve learned that taking care of myself is non-negotiable. I just have to be strategic about how I do it. I give my husband Eddie so much credit for always encouraging me to do so and supporting me by watching the boys. It’s basically about advance planning – like booking workouts ahead of time, or using personal days to be aimless and blissfully drift around the city. That’s one thing you never have when you’re a mom – a full day of endless unplanned time. It’s also about taking advantage of any unexpected free moment that might pop up: recently a dinner plan fell through and I’d already booked a sitter. I used the time to go see a movie alone, which felt so decadent.”

“I like to think I’m pretty laid-back as far as my mothering approach (somewhat of a result of just not always having the energy!). And while I’m particular 97% of the time about what my boys eat, I’m also not militant. I like Cheez-Its, and so do they. There’s no harm in strategically-deployed crackers or cookies. Everything in moderation. And I do really try to support the fervent and frequently fleeting interests of my boys. Right now one of them will only wear head-to-toe red, so I went thrifting and basically bought everything red in his size. As far as what I could improve on – I wish I had more patience. Two toddler boys can be challenging, particularly when they fight over the same thing, which is frequently. It’s hard when two not-always-rational mini humans both want the exact same thing at the exact same time.

As for my personal style, maybe I’m a weirdo, but it hasn’t changed at all. I’m still sticking to my colorful, slightly spazzy vintage and thrift-sourced wardrobe. As for décor, I will admit that has definitely changed. I describe it as ‘nursery school chaos.’ Our living space has completely surrendered to rubber floor tiles, toy bins, plastic baby gates, protective foam corners, and any framed artwork or photograph has been hung above six feet high to keep a safe distance from curious fingers. The boys have also scribbled on the walls with crayons, and we just decided to leave it.”

Agent Nateur x Shiva Rose Holistick: “Of all the natural deodorants I’ve tried, this one is hands-down the best – meaning, it actually works when you’re running around chasing after twin boys – and the scent is a fantastic true rose.”

Colorful antique quilts: “My mom was a huge quilter and I grew up sleeping on her quilts and going to quilting bees with her. It was usually a group of Texan grandmothers, my mom, and me, and I’m so grateful for the memories of sitting around a quilt with such a special group of ladies, learning about life. I have all of my mom’s quilts, many of which were quilted by that bee – and I also collect other quilts too when I come across ones that strike me. I love them in a stack in my boys’ room, waiting to keep someone warm. They are filled with stories and love. My mom passed away almost 15 years ago and before she died, she made a baby quilt for me in case I ever had children. It’s one of my most cherished possessions.”

Rachel Comey Factor Earrings in Tortoise: “Super-dangly jewelry doesn’t work for me right now – my boys love to grab and pull on it – but these quirky takes on the hoop are perfect. I wear them constantly, and strangely my boys aren’t drawn to them. And they’re built to last: the times they’ve been pulled or dropped, they’ve never broken.”

Zodiac nameplate rings by Melody Ehsani: “They’re dainty and a personal way for me to wear my boys’ shared astrological sign (Virgo) along with my own sign (Scorpio).”

Pillowfort starry globe nightlight: “It casts stars on the walls and ceiling! Magical. And a great, good-looking alternative to typical night lights.”

Cat & Jack toddler clothing/accessories: “I’m always shopping the line for the boys – it’s super affordable and there are always fun things. Like these hightops with detachable lightning bolts! I just bought them.”

Saint Amour teething biscuits: “My boys LIVED for these. It was literally the only teething product that worked for them. They’re too old for them now but I tell everyone I know about them and give them to friends having babies. They’re amazing!”

Herbivore Lapis face oil: “It smells incredible, feels indulgent (for my five minutes of me time daily in the bathroom) and I can’t get enough of its dreamy blue hue.”

Creamy Crayons: “They’re genius. The colors are super intense, rich and vivid – way more than regular crayons. And you can turn them into watercolors with a paintbrush. Just keep them away from the walls, haha – my boys basically made an impromptu mural in their bedroom with them.”

See bottom of post for photos of Gigi’s Favorite Things…

Hardest part about being a mom: “For me, it’s not having the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it. I can’t just pick up and go to Miami for the weekend – or even sit on the couch and binge-watch Netflix or endlessly scroll Instagram. That probably sounds selfish, but I’ve always been really independent and the shift to a more regimented lifestyle wasn’t the easiest transition for me.”

Best part about being a mom: “Impossible to pick just one thing! I mean, just the LOVE. My mom died long before I had my boys, and I wish I had her to talk about and share it all with. I look at my boys and think of all the metaphysical things she must’ve thought and felt when she had my brother and me – mom-musings like ‘how did I create this wonderful human being?’ and ‘life has just taken on such an incredible new dimension’ and ‘I’m not religious but suddenly I’m thinking in a whole new spiritual way about family and human connections and life on this planet.’ My best attempt to explain the shift that happens when you become a mom: Imagine your life as a house, and before you have kids, there are some wonderful rooms and it all feels comfortable and familiar and full of love. When you become a mom, there’s suddenly a door in the house you never noticed before, and you push it open. You discover a whole incredible new wing of the house that seems limitless in a wonderful way. Inside this wing are new emotions, new perspectives, and a new kind of love that you never knew possible.”

“Trying to give each child individual time. It’s super hard. They both rightfully want time alone with us but there’s only one of my husband and me. Any time I meet an adult twin, I ask them for twin parenting advice, and they all say the same thing: make solo time with each twin. It’s easy to lump twins together as one unit but they are individuals and deserve individual attention. So it’s something that Eddie and I are conscious of and try to make one-on-one time with each boy, even if it’s as simple as going to the playground. During that time, they get undivided attention and don’t have to share the spotlight with their brother.”

“My husband and I were set up by a mutual friend and met at a dinner party at the friend’s house. The friend was actually an ex of a good friend of mine, so I was hesitant to go to the dinner party, and actually declined his first invite. But he invited me again, and I was like, I’m a single woman and there might be something here, and hey, you never know. So I went. And it sounds like such a cliché, so forgive my sappiness, but the minute I saw Eddie I was like, this is my person! I couldn’t believe my luck when he came into my life – he was (and is) everything I could ever have hoped for as both a partner and a father to our boys. In terms of balancing motherhood and marriage, my advice it to make time for each other. It’s the single most important thing. With kids, it’s not easy, but if you can swing a babysitter even one night a month, it’s worth to have that one-on-one time with your other half.”

“Shower the night before since you have no idea how hectic your morning will be. And dry shampoo is my friend – only having to wash my hair a couple of times a week is a massive time saver. Also: coconut oil for everything. It’s my do-it-all beauty essential. And I’ll admit to being an eyelash-extension addict. It saves me so much time in the morning – it cuts out any need for mascara or eyeliner. The maintenance is sort of a pain – I have to go for regular fill-ins – but I love the excuse to take a nap (there’s not much else to do when you’re laying down for 1.5 hours with your eyes closed).”

“Since one my boys was breech– and he was Baby B (aka the second baby to come out) – it would’ve been way too risky to deliver vaginally. So a C-section was the plan early on, which basically determined my birth plan for me. The C-section was way more gnarly than anyone told me! The recovery is downplayed and not a breeze. I honestly wasn’t exposed to the painful reality of it going into childbirth. It seemed from the outside that it was more a ‘no big deal’ thing – you know, ‘I’m getting a scheduled C’ – but the reality was that I found it to be tough on my body. The physical part of the recovery is intense and I wasn’t prepared for how incapacitated I’d be in the immediate aftermath. It’s essentially abdominal surgery, and your muscles are severed, which means you struggle to sit up and get yourself out of bed or a chair without help in the days following, which is really hard when you need mobility to juggle twins for constant feedings. I remember taking the first steps down the hospital hallway the day after I gave birth and the pain was excruciating….”

“It really a six-month healing process start to end, and even then you can have permanent numbness around the scarring. I also developed digestive problems about six months after I gave birth, and I do wonder if there is a still-undiscovered result of a C-section potentially disrupting the bacterial equilibrium in your gut. Speaking of good gut bacteria, I find the connection between a child’s gut health with a vaginal birth fascinating – that a baby basically acquires their basis for a healthy gut on their trip through the birth canal by picking up good bacteria, and C-section babies are deprived of that essential bacteria. My doula, the amazing Megan Davidson, and I talked a lot about this. It was hard to juggle feeding and taking care of two babies simultaneously while also being immobilized from C-section recovery and attempting to be a somewhat rested, functional human being. In retrospect I wish I’d hired a baby nurse – or even just some sort of external help. Honestly, my whole recovery period is sort of a blur because I was so exhausted! We had no family to help in the early days, so it was just Eddie (when he wasn’t working) and me. You can also imagine the insanity of two babies waking up at different times throughout the night. Eddie made it all bearable though – we’d split up the nighttime feeds so we could at least each get some sleep.”

“I knew I was going to have a C-section, but I didn’t know it would end up being an emergency C-section. At 35.5 weeks, I developed a rare pregnancy-induced liver condition called obstetric cholestastis. It’s not widely known and its main symptom is itching, so it can easily be overlooked as general pregnancy symptoms and not escalated. Which is what happened to me. I called my OB’s office and asked about the itching, and they said that itching was a common side effect of pregnancy and to use an antihistamine. But then my itching started to get really intense – I was up all night obsessively scratching myself, and it was particularly bad on the soles of my feet and palms of my hands (the most common spots). So I Googled it and found something called cholestasis. When you’re pregnant you’re always looking up every minor symptom online and freaking yourself out, so I tried to play it cool and tell myself I was overreacting, but when I read about the potentially catastrophic consequences – babies born after 37 weeks to moms with chlolestasis can be stillborn – I freaked. And it’s more common in moms pregnant with twins. So I reached out to twin expert Natalie Diaz, the founder of Twiniversity who urged me to demand to be tested for cholestatis and specified the exact blood tests to ask for. I still thank her to this day! So I went and got the tests. But you have to wait a few days for the first set of results, and then a week for the second set. Meanwhile my itching was getting even more intense, and I was now over 36 weeks pregnant, and I was scared of going past the 37 week mark…”

“So I reached out to Natalie again. She said to literally march into maternity floor of the hospital and demand to see the OB on duty, which I did. So I waddled over the hospital, found the doc, and said I really felt really unwell and begged them to expedite the test results. I knew in my gut something was wrong and I was afraid to wait a week for the second set of lab results to come back as that would put me over the 37 week mark. They said they’d have the first set of test results that afternoon and to go home and relax. So I hopped in a taxi downtown, and on my way I got the call from the lab that my first lab results were back, and they were really high, and I should turn the taxi around and go straight back to the hospital to check myself in for monitoring. (Dark comedic side note: When I told the taxi driver to take me back to the hospital – we were already far downtown – in not-atypical NYC fashion, he got angry and yelled at me.) So back at the hospital I was checked in and monitored for the rest of the day. Good news: the babies were okay, everything good for the moment, go home and rest. Which I did, barely: the itching was now unbearable I couldn’t sleep. And the next day I got a call – my second set of lab results came back early and my bile levels were off the charts and the babies had to come out immediately. So that’s when I had my emergency C-section. One of my boys was okay, and the other was in the NICU for a week but was also okay. It wasn’t anything cholestatis-related, but because his lungs weren’t fully developed, which is common for babies born a bit early.”

“It’s hard – I went back and forth with what feels right, and ultimately decided to share less versus more. I probably only post my kids on Instagram a handful of times a year, but more frequently in Stories. I feel like Stories more realistically conveys the unvarnished, hot-mess moments of motherhood and followers also have to make a more proactive choice to view a Story. That way, I’m also not flooding the feed with kid pics. I have to say, one of my most-liked IG posts was the one where I showed our apartment at the end of a long Saturday – it was an absolute wreck, things just everywhere. Anyone who was a mom totally got it and DM’ed me laughing emojis.”