At home with …Selma Blair & Arthur Saint

“I never thought I’d cherish every second like I do now. I used to be the kind of person who was like, “When’s lunch? When do I get to go to bed? When do I get to go on vacation? When, when, when in the future?” And this child has totally changed me. Now, I can’t help but smile and think, ‘I’m here now.'”

“It blows my mind to think about how intense the bond is that women have with their children, especially in the first few years of life. And it just blows my mind that everyone who has children feels this way, too. If the world is capable of this much love, and patience, and understanding, I just can’t imagine what we’re all capable of together.”

A teddy bear in Arthur’s room

“I was so blissed-out when I was pregnant. I had an amazing pregnancy—the hormones felt great, I was really active, I didn’t need a lot of sleep, I never had morning sickness after the first month. I was just a totally different person.”

On Selma: Jerell Scott dress

“At my baby shower, a friend of mine said to me, “Oh, no, motherhood is horrible. Prepare.” Initially, I was really hurt by that and thought, I don’t want someone in my life who says that kind of negative stuff. I was kind of shocked. And then, after I gave birth, I just kept going back to her words, and they were actually such a comfort. What she really meant was “Give yourself permission to feel horrible. It’s OK to say, ‘This isn’t bliss yet.’”

Arthur’s room

Artwork by Arthur Saint

Restoration Hardware teepee in Arthur’s playroom

“It takes a village, and it’s really hard to be the village on your own. But it’s still amazingly rewarding.”

“I wear a lot of long, loose, flowy things. Honestly, it’s all about finding cute pajama-like pieces and being able to get out of bed, throw something on, put my head in the sink, and put my hair in a ponytail and still go through the day. I find that as long as I have on a couple of good gold cuffs, a few pieces of jewelry that make me feel like I’m still part of the living, then the rest of my outfit can be a little crumpled.”

“When I was pregnant, I never wore black, which was my staple before. It’s not that I think black is sad, but I’m just too happy now; it just doesn’t feel totally right for me anymore.”

On Arthur: Trico Field sweatpants

“I love the way everyday he says something funny, the way he challenges me. I look forward every morning to the first thing he’ll say. I literally smile at night, and sometimes wake up in the middle of the night smiling knowing that I’m going to get to see him in the morning and he’s going to say something that’s just going to keep me strong for the rest of the day.”

Restoration Hardware teepee

On Arthur: Trico Field sweatpants

“As a mom, there’s almost a shame in feeling too attached, like there’s something shameful in saying, ‘My kid is my life these days’. There’s a time and a place, especially when they’re this young. Let yourself enjoy it. I wish people talked about the love more.”

Restoration Hardware teepee

On Arthur: Trico Field sweatpants

The Little Engine That Could

“When I was pregnant, I had no idea how attached I’d be and that I’d want to be in every part of Arthur’s waking and sleeping life. Before he was born, I hired a crazy expensive night nurse who was recommended by friends of mine. And as the day grew closer, I started to think, ‘I don’t want her in my house’. I canceled her the day I went in to hospital going into labor. I did hire a doula the first night home, since I really needed to recover because my birth was so hard, but when I would hear her trying to soothe him, I said, ‘No no, not for me’. I couldn’t sleep anyhow. No one really stays up with a baby the way a mom does. Dads will try, but for the most part I say moms are the ones to really do it. But I have so many friends who, god bless them, hired someone and they got sleep, and it worked for them. Whatever works for you, it just wasn’t my path.”

On Selma: Isabel Marant top, Trico Field sweatpants

“When I first had Arthur, I knew it was going to be tough, and I’m not young so I looked pretty rough for a while, until I got the hang of figuring out a sleep pattern. And I just thought, well, that’s the way it goes. I’m a mom now.”

“I’ve found that you should never be afraid of traveling with a baby. People would say, I can’t believe you travel with him, but nothing makes your child grow faster and learn faster than taking them with you on a trip. You both learn on the fly, and in a pleasant way because you’re out of what is normal, and you’re not afraid to break routine—every trip I’ve gone on has been a huge success for us. His dad and I aren’t together anymore, but we’ll even take trips together with Arthur. I have a great Italian godmother and she said it’s the best thing. And it was.”

“I had planned for a home birth—I planned and planned and planned, and none of it happened. I was in the hospital for 47 hours of really intense labor. They ended up inducing me, which I was dreading. I was like, I’ll never do any of that. Well, some things you don’t get a say in.”

On Arthur: Trico Field sweatpants

Chanel teddy bear given to Arthur by Karl Lagerfeld

“When you first come home from the hospital, take advantage of those first two weeks when your baby actually sleeps. Don’t have people over, just sleep. Just recover from labor, no matter what your birth was like, or how young you are. Just sleep with your baby. Don’t have people over those first 48 hours because once you start getting behind, it’s really hard to catch up. Everyone wants to see the baby, and the adrenaline is going, but just give yourself permission. People don’t want to do it because they’re afraid to be alone with their first baby. If the relatives come over, great, let them watch the baby.”

“No matter what you do, or don’t do, it’s all your baby’s plan. He chose you, and it’s all going to work out. Even if you don’t follow anything you thought you would, and just do what feels good in the beginning, it’s all going to work out. You and your baby chose each other and no one knows them better than you. I realize I sound so hippy dippy and I’m so not.”

“His breath smells like flowers and yogurt—it’s the cutest thing.”

“My style has changed totally since becoming a mom. I used to, and I still do, really love fashion and really avant-garde pieces—things that definitely had to be dry-cleaned. I don’t have any of that in my life right now. Every single thing I wear is breast-accessible, which is not always the chicest.”

Aurora Lopez Mejia necklace

“More and more I’m coming to realize that if my son sees that I’m happy and strong, and that I have connections with other people, then that is the best thing for him. In the very beginning, I’d think, oh no, the most important thing is that he just bonds with me and spends time with his dad, and that I get as much time with him as possible. And that’s very valid, and real, and amazing for all involved. At the same time, it’s the reality that I have to work, and the more he sees that I can go happily to work, and learn from these transitions with him, than his life is still rounded but has some adversity in it—that’s how you learn. As long as he’s safe. I’m learning more and more that this is just to reality of my life. And I have to get used to it. I may cry in a corner if I have to, but ultimately I’m a lucky person.”

“When I wear a dress that has a little bit of sparkle, and I put on some makeup, he’ll hold my cheeks and say, ‘Mama pretty.'”

On Selma: Isabel Marant tunic

“For me, breastfeeding killed for the first four days. You really think, oh my god, my nipples have gone through a cheese grater. I wish someone had told me I was going to be OK. When friends of mine say to me, ‘I can’t breastfeed, it’s too hard’, I say, ‘Give it three more days. Just relax. It’s going to happen. If you choose to.’ I was almost going to give up, because the pain was so intense, my nipples went through a real breaking in period. Nursing turned out to be a really wonderful grounding thing for Arthur.”

“I don’t think I’d be breastfeeding this long if I hadn’t gone to Italy with Arthur. There, the baby would cry as I was walking down the street, and they’re like, ‘Take your shirt off, you’re starving your baby.’ Whereas in America, there’s a lot of shame. I’m so over it. And then people will say it’s so weird to breastfeed once your kid has teeth—my kids got teeth at two and a half months. To each his own.”

Mama’s boy