At home with …Emma Heming Willis &

“Since I can remember, I always wanted to be a mom and to have a family of my own. After kissing a few toads, who obviously didn’t turn into princes, I finally found my life mate in my early 30s with Bruce. Luckily, we were on the same page about having children, so we got to work pretty much straightaway. I read a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility and it gave me such knowledge and insight on how my body worked. I was floored with how much I didn’t know about my reproductive system! I suppose it had never been a priority before I actually began the process. But then I became obsessed. It gave me the insight to track my fertility. That time kind of reminded me of that scene in ‘She’s Having a Baby’ (my all-time favorite movie) as Kristy Briggs is taking her temperature calling to Kevin Bacon saying, ‘It’s time! Hurry, hurry!’ But I don’t want to sugarcoat things, so I will say that it wasn’t super easy to get pregnant. There were tears that were shed and fear around not being able to get pregnant, but we got there after a few years and are blessed with two very healthy and lovely daughters now.”

“My concept of being a mom pre-motherhood is vastly different from what I had ever imagined. It really had never occurred to me that these little beings would evolve so quickly to the point of having their own independent minds of what they want or don’t want to do! I just assumed that they would do as I asked, that they would listen! I was always certain that my kids would be the ‘so well-behaved children’ in the restaurant! Or the ones whose tantrums I could quickly curb while traveling on an airplane. Ha! I got a nice big slap in the face of reality once I had my kids!”

On Emma: Sea dress

“One of the best things about being a mom is getting to be a kid all over again. Seeing life through a kid’s eyes is so enlightening. It makes you appreciate things we as adults take for granted. They find joy in the most simplest of things. An insect. Dirt. Rain. Life is just so much fun with kids. It’s not always easy, but it sure is fun most of the time! I also love watching them discover new things and to see that look in their eyes as that light bulb goes off in their heads. I love that special feeling of love that I have for them – that can literally make me feel like my heart is about to explode. Or like the butterflies you get in your tummy when you first fall in love. But the great thing is, I get to experience it every day with them. It’s a such a gift.”

“My youngest daughter has a ‘lovey’ that she still can’t live without, which is from Barefoot Dreams. It’s heavenly because it’s a true comfort to her when she’s upset or tired. For my eldest, Mabel, her lovey was my breast. The left one to be exact! That was her only comfort. It was very sweet but I needed to constantly be on hand during those early years. So, with Evelyn, I wised up and introduced her to a different type of comfort early on, which has been a blessing!”

“My kids are young so going to restaurants has never been easy. I wised up and have a ‘restaurant bag’, which contains a few items that can keep the kids busy while they wait for their food, and yes, so my husband and I can finish our food without choking because we are being rushed out of the restaurant. Melissa and Doug have small packable activities that both girls like. These reusable water pads are awesome and so are the puff sticker play sets are great too. Mabel loves using her Boogie Board as we can get a few rounds of tic-tac-toe in. As for me it’s Apple TV. Once the kids are in bed and the day is done, I am just ready to tune out with my husband. We’ll put a movie on or get caught up in a show with a glass of vino and popcorn, and I’m as happy as a lark. I love this hot air popcorn maker because it requires no oil to pop the kernels. Then I melt some coconut oil and drizzle it all over with some sea salt and I’m in heaven.”

“Coconut oil was what I used throughout both pregnancies to help prevent stretch marks. The fact that it was natural and organic was very important to me as I was very conscience about what I was applying on my skin while I was pregnant. I also used coconut oil on both children as well. Mabel had cradle cap and eczema, the coconut oil worked wonders for both. Evelyn at times had a diaper rash and patches of dry skin and I would use that on her too with great results. It really was my secret weapon for everything. And actually, this was how and why my skin care line CocoBaba, which is coconut-oil based, was conceived. I can’t say that I have ever found that ‘wow’ product that did what it said it was going to do, with the exception of coconut oil. That’s why I created and based my entire beauty line around that ingredient. Going back to the basics is just what works for my lifestyle today. ‘No fuss in everything’ is my motto. I also love all kinds of aromatherapy oils and UMA makes wonderful ones. The one I have on rotation is called Pure Calm. I use it at bedtime as it does what it says. It promotes sleep and helps me just unwind from the day.”

“I’ve always been a rather quiet type. I’m social, rather even-tempered (for the most part) and externally chilled out. My husband is also soft-spoken and we’re both pretty relaxed. And then all of a sudden, we have Mabel, who is the exact opposite! She was demanding and spirited out of the gate! She immediately had her own ideas about how things should be. She was not afraid to express herself with total disregard to consequences. I tried putting a positive spin on it saying, ‘Well, we’ll never have to worry about her—no one’s going to mess with this kid!’ And then we had our second. I’m an only child, so the transition to two was a lot harder than I had expected. I wasn’t diagnosed with postpartum after I had Evelyn but I was faced with some change and uncertainty. My mom wasn’t able to help me at the time, and we were moving, so I was learning how to navigate the reality of having two kids. I had my very spirited two-year-old and I wasn’t able to give Evelyn that one-on-one time she deserved because Mabel needed so much of me. So, the guilt that came with that was immense. Mabel was breastfed till right after Evelyn was born. My milk supply just ran out after three months of breastfeeding Evelyn. I was secretly thrilled to get part of myself back, but then again that mommy guilt kicked in because I felt this way.”

“The sad truth was that I needed help because I couldn’t handle it all. I felt incredibly blessed that I had the means to get assistance. But I come from a single parent household and my mother was able to move mountains on her own for us, and yet here I am and I couldn’t. It was yet another guilt trip and I just couldn’t shake it off. Then again, I think given that I was an only child I had no real experience with what it might be like having two children. I just didn’t know how to cut myself any slack, I was really very hard on myself. But you can’t be everything to everyone at the same time, I finally realized. I would say it took me a good year to catch my stride and to feel like myself again.”

“Lucky for me, Evelyn is a much more independent child than Mabel, that’s for sure. In the end, it really all worked out as it usually does. Having these two beautiful, amazing beings has forced me to be more conscious of everything I do. It has taught me to take steps I never expected to take, such as learning how to be reasonable, but at the same time maintaining the parent/child hierarchy. I’d never experienced disciplining anyone! It’s become gradually easier, but it took a lot of soul-searching and hair-pulling to get there. I’ve learned that self-care is key and how to put it on the top tier of my to-do lists.”

“I make lists for everything. I have an ongoing day-by-day, week-by-week list. There’s something reassuring about seeing the tasks down on paper that just makes it all less anxiety-provoking for me. When I keep my ‘to do list’ in my head, panic sets in quickly and I start to think that I’ll never be able to get it all done. Or worse, that I’ll forget something critical! So, list-making has been key in maintaining a balance between work and motherhood. This way I can visually and practically prioritize. For example, when the kids are in school, I can get the more time-sensitive and urgent items or projects out of the way, and then I am able to focus on them when they are home. But don’t let this fool you, I still struggle with balance constantly. This is just a helpful tool that works for me – in order to find some semblance of balance!”

On Emma: Sea dress

“The hardest part of being a mom is knowing that I can’t protect them at every turn. And the fact that I won’t physically be with them forever. And everything surrounding being separated in any way from them terrifies me. These are some of the thoughts that can really do a number on me in the middle of the occasional sleepless night. I am thankful for whatever time I get with them.”

“With Mabel, I had my birthing plan, a doula, I had it all planned out! I was going to go without an epidural, labor at home for as long as possible while being monitored by my ObGyn from time to time. I had seen a YouTube video of a woman laughing her baby out and I said to myself, ‘Oh, that’s going to be me.’ Well, my first contraction hit and everything I had learned left my head. Three hours into it I told my husband I was sure I was about to have this baby. We went to visit my doctor and he told me I was only half a centimeter dilated, ‘Go home.’ I almost fell off my chair! So, we did. Next thing I knew, I was throwing up everywhere, my body was shaking and I said ‘screw this!’ We drove to the hospital and as we walked in, I basically threatened the doctor saying, ‘If you don’t put that epidural in my back ASAP I’ll do it myself!'”

“My advice: Have your plan and just make sure your doctor or midwife are on the same page as you. If things don’t go as planned, it’s ok. The most important thing is getting that baby out safely. The second time around, I had the same plan. My first contraction hit and I looked at Bruce and said, ‘Yup that contraction is just as I remembered!’ And off to the hospital we went. And in fact, I did laugh Evelyn out, but only because I had that epidural. It was a wonderful experience because I felt I was right in the moment. Giving birth was and will always be the best two single moments of my life.”

“My recovery after Mabel’s birth was definitely not comfortable. She weighed more than 9 pounds, and it took me more than two hours to push her out. I had second degree tearing, which required stitching. I had read so many books on what to expect and do while I was pregnant and how to care for your child once you’ve had the baby, but I really seemed to have missed those chapters discussing how to take care of yourself after birthing. No one really talks about it. Oddly, I never considered what the pain level would be after the birth! I could hardly stand up straight, let alone walk. It took me a good while to bounce back physically. As for mentally, I would say I had a case of the baby blues, but that subsided after just a few weeks.”

“The second-time around was much easier physically. I only pushed a few times, so comparatively speaking, it was an easy birth. I did pop a blood vessel in my eye, which surprised me because I didn’t feel as though I was pushing that hard! She was out in less than 15 minutes and she was 8 pounds 10 ounces. I was admitted in the hospital at 7:00 AM and requested a speedy discharge, which my OBGYN signed off on. I was home by 7:00 PM that same day. I just wanted to get back to Mabel. Yes, it was that easy.”

“Becoming a mother was my dream and once I finally achieved it, I didn’t want to ‘mess it up’. I was very rigid about everything, so much so that I wouldn’t allow myself even a tiny break.  I wish now that I would’ve just taken a deep breath and had that foresight to know that it was all going to be OK. Mabel was not going to feel neglected or uncared for if I had taken five minutes to just put my feet up. Honestly, the challenge was just to convince myself that it was alright to do that. I realized how important and crucial ‘me’ time is, once Evelyn was born. With Mabel, I devoted every waking moment to her and any of my needs were cast aside. I guess most first-time parents are likely to do the same. Then I realized I had burnt the candle at both ends. The reality of doing that meant that I couldn’t be fully present 100% of the time. I was exhausted. I needed a break occasionally, but I just didn’t give myself permission. I’ve since learned the importance of taking time for myself and to not feel guilty. It wasn’t easy to extricate myself from my old way of thinking though. Now, I schedule time for myself – just as I would anything else on my calendar. When I have that self-care element built into my daily routine, I come out a better and more balanced person overall!”

“My husband and I are very similar when it comes to our interests. We love the dining experience, we love Broadway, listening to live music, going to comedy clubs, curling up in bed to watch TV or doing a puzzle together. Date nights are crucial. We try to get date night on the books once a week. Yes, I even schedule that in my calendar! I have the privilege to work from home and when Bruce isn’t on the road filming, he’s home too, so we see each other a lot! But getting out of the house on a date without the kids is important for our relationship. My husband is a total romantic, but he’s a Pisces so I wouldn’t expect anything less from him. By nature, he’s just a sweet, thoughtful and gentle man. Meanwhile, I’m a Gemini and we are like oil and water at times! I’ve learned how to be romantic because of him, but I still will never be able to compete with him on that front! It’s just second nature to him. He’s the back-rubs-and-foot-massages-for-no-reason kind of guy! And I love him for it.”

“Prior to having kids, I was never really was an ‘in the moment’ kind of person. I think that’s a trait carried over from my childhood. I always had to be thinking several steps ahead and planning out a roadmap for the future that would help make my mom’s life (and mine) a little more comfortable. Now that I am a mother, it’s different. It still feels as if Mabel had only been born yesterday, but she in fact she’s five year’s old! I’m not saying anything new when I say it goes by so fast. So, once I had children, I knew I had to balance staying a step ahead and also being in the moment. Otherwise, I would certainly miss out on some of the joys of being a parent. I work really hard to strike that balance.”

“When we moved into our home, Evelyn was still a baby and Mabel was two. We have a home where every room is used by us as a family at some point during the course of the day. We did try to make it as appealing as possible within the framework of having little ones running around. Every room had to be baby-proofed and totally kid-friendly. I’ve always had this dream of having a perfectly stylized/decorated home and maybe one day that may happen, but for now it’s mostly about being practical. If the kids spill something, and of course they do, nothing is too precious in our home that it would give cause to upset us. I also want people to come in and feel comfortable enough to feel that they can put their feet up on the sofa. We aren’t a stuffy family and I think that translated nicely to how our home is furnished and feels.”

“I started modeling when I was about 15 years old. My mom had contacts in the industry and that’s how I got my foot in the door. She was my manager during my entire career, which spanned about 17 years. It was a great run that made me independent from a very young age. Having her as my support system kept me on track and she always reminded me to be business focused. There was enough money being generated from a young age, so with my mother’s help, I started investing in real estate in my 20s – buying and selling –and kept modeling at the same time. I’ve dipped into those savings to launch my own business. It’s a start-up, and I’m just taking my time and growing it at a pace that makes me comfortable.”

“In my business dealings. But at home, I’m just mom and Bruce’s partner. I may feel slightly empowered, perhaps, when at the end of the day, both kids are tucked in bed and the day is done, and it all went off without any major hitches. I always try to take a minute and review the day in my head and analyze what I did that worked and what I did that I could improve upon. There’s so much room for improvement!”

“My mother was a single working mom. She held down three jobs to be able to provide for us. I started working at a very young age because I wanted to help my mom in any way I could. I’m not patting myself on the back – it just came down to survival and I knew she needed help. So, work and life has always been intertwined for me. Once I decided that I wanted to stop modeling, I was already thinking what would be my next venture. I couldn’t imagine life not working; it’s just a part of who I am. My kids’ lives are very different to how Bruce and I grew up, and I’m so thankful for that. But it’s necessary that they know the importance of hard work. Nothing is ever handed down to us and dues are to be paid. We try to instill that in them with every opportunity that arises.”